A man went on a night out with his friends the wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him. At about 12 midnight the man comes back and knocks...the Wife tells him "Go back and sleep where you are coming from!!!" Judging by her tone of voice that her fury is about to overflow and the man answered "Relax I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condoms in my room on top of the table or just give them to me. There are lots of women at the party!" The wife opened the door and said "You are not going anywhere come in here before I change my mind!" Who is Wiser the MAN OR the WOMAN?YOUNGWEEZY
Abeg if pastor de do prophecy for church, try to hear him out b4 claiming d prophecy. Pastor: there is a man here... Akpors: na me oooo Pastor: i say there is a man here... Akpors: na me nd my family ooooo Pastor: them don dey suck ur blood since five years. Akpors: ahhhhh, no b me ooooooo.... ONE WORD 4 HIM A kid went to the police to report about his lost bicycle. KID: My new bicycle has been stolen. POLICE: When did u notice? KID: This morning POLICE: Do you have a suspect? KID: Yes,my mum and dad. POLICE: why do u suspect them? KID: yesterday at midnight i heard mum say make it stand well so I can sit on it very well ' 'and dad said ''climb up fast before it falls . and mum said ''push slowly slowly don't hurt me....... POLICE: hahaha o boy na senior bicycle be that oo
Akpos ‘steals’ sugar at supermarket Akpos enters the Supermarket to buy himself orange juice and sugar. He paid for the orange juice and walked out with the sugar under his arm, unpaid. At the door he was arrested and locked up. During the court hearing, the judge asked him why he paid for the juice only and stole the sugar? He replied “I did not steal. At the back of the juice bottle is written ‘SUGAR FREE!
The driver says "uqh,that's the uqliest baby i've ever seen!' the woman moves to the rear of d bus and sits down,fuminq.she says to akpos who waz next to her in d bus "the driver just insulted me." akpos says"you qo up there and qive that stupid driver a biq slap.go on madam,i 'll help you hold your {monkey}
He buys an envelop from the cashier and akpos open the envelop and screamed aloud into the envelop...the furious cashies ask akpos,"why are you screaminq into the envelop!!.akpos replied her..."i am sendinq a voice mail" one word for akpos
Doctor; u need to take 10 cups of water everyday for your throat to qet well...akpos;its not possible... doctor; why do you say so?... Akpos;because i have only 4 cups at home..
Bomblastic grammar from Nigerian gurls (LWKMD) 1. Thank God for a brown new day! 2. My god is upsome! 3. Why are people so weekend? (coz they are Friday) 4. Not all dat glitters are goats! (goatn't it!!??) 5. Majority carries the volt (volt ko!? transformer ni?) 6. May your name be highly exhausted! 7. My waste is paining me! 8. Thank God for spearing my life (with arrow abi with dagger?) 9. What is strong with you? (strong kor... decoder ni) 10. Lord! you are the killer dat holds my life! (GBOOOOOOOOMM!!) 11. Pls, how much is your age? (na 22naira o!) 12. Look to the window, the principal just passed away (na you kill am abi?) 13. I am not priding pls 14. Lord let your wheel be done... (God' wheelbarrow spoil b4?)
I promised her 20k Last Week As we were chatting on BBM. She Came To Abuja An Unexpected Visit. Dat Morning She Asked Me Of The 20k I Promised Her. I Then Told Her Dat I Want To Leave For Minna In The Next 5mins. I Gave Her My GTB ATM Card Dat She Should Take It nd Withdraw All She Wanted (Knowing Fully Well Dat I Had Less Dan 5k In Dat Account). As Soon As She Kissed Me & Left, I Quickly Left The House Knowing Dat She Will come Crying Back To Me. As I was driving past Zuba, MyJunior Brother Called Me On The Phone Saying "Bros,You Don Get The Alert? I Just Dey Komot From GTB oh! I Don PayThat 100k Wey I Been Owe 瞥you Into 瞥 our Account, Thanks" Mehn!!! See Sweat!!! Few Minutes Later, I Got The Alert!! Confirm 100k Credited. I Want Die As d Money Enter. i Tried calling her phone,Switched Off. Tried PING!!! PING!!! No Delivery. The Next minute, Alerts: 20k Debited, 20k Debited,20k debited, 20k debited, 20k debited. Even the Last 5k Withdrawn... I No Know Wetin Happen To Me, I Found Myself On Hospital Bed. Now They Are Asking Me What Happened? But What Will I Say?? Eye Rolling !! IF IT WERE U ???
Father: Why did your Grammar teacher slap you? Akpos: Because I asked her, Why is Bra singular when it covers 2 items and Panties plural when it covers just one
A girl mistakenly sent a text meant for her boyfriend to her dad sayingbr /> Sweetheart I don't want to abort this pregnancy because I might damage my womb, don't forget this would be the 10th pregnancy I will be abo rting for you. But..., don't worry am preparing my parents food, I will poison them both so we can acquire their property for ourselves. I love you dear!!! ***QUESTION***br /> What will You do if You were her DAD...????
Naija complete merlin season 4!! ..................... ..... .... ........ In the land of boko haram and the time of fuel subsidy removal. The destiny of a great nation rest on the shoulder of a confused president his name was! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
AKPORS DEY FOLLOW INSTRUCTION DIE!!! Akpors’ elder brother, Rukewe, traveled to London months ago, leaving behind Akpors, their aged mom & their pet cat, kelly. Last week Rukewe called from London to know how they’re doing… RUKEWE: Akpors how una dey now, how kelly? AKPORS: Kelly done die. RUKEWE (after a pause): Akpors you for use small small reveal dis kin bad news na. U for jus say d cat fall inside well but neighbors de try comot am. Den when I call again, u go say e break neck small but vet doctor dey try revive am. Den when I call again, u go say dem try their best but dem no fit save am. Na so dem dey reveal bad news in a mature way. u hear me? AKPORS: Yes bros no p. RUKEWE: Ok. how mama na? AKPORS: Bros. mama sef fall inside well o, but neighbors dey try comot am. (Phone cuts)Rukewe has been admitted in a private hospital in London after going into coma.
AKPOS DE COMEDIAN... AN American zoologist told two men name AKPOS AND OCHUKO to catch lions for him at the price of 20,000 Dollars per lion.. Akpos and Ochuko went into a forest to catch the lions,,After a fruitless search,,They got exhausted and fell asleep... A short while letter Akpos heard the roar of a loin and woke up... He saw more than 150 lions surrounding them and he woke Ochuko up and said Ochuko wake up, we are rich,,,,If na you waitinq you go do?? ONE WORD FOR AKPOS
An Igbo man, a Yoruba man and an Hausa man were lost in a forest and then captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step was to go deep into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. The Yoruba man came back and said to the king, “I brought 10 apples.” Then the king explained the trial to him, “You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed. The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The Igbo man arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy…. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed. The Yoruba man and Igbo man met in heaven and the Yoruba man asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with the trial.” The Igbo man replied, “I couldn’t help it, when I saw the Hausa man coming with Watermelons!”
The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written “1102BC”. The teacher now asked “who knows what this means?” Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him. She then asked again and yet only Akpos’ hand was still up. So she allowed him to answer. Akpos said: “It is Pharaoh’s BB Pin
Akpso goes to a police station to report that his wife is missing. The following conversation ensued: Akpos: I lost my wife. She went shopping and hasn’t come back Inspector: What is her height? Akpos: I never checked Inspector: Slim or robust? Akpos: Not slim, can be robust Inspector: Color of eyes? Akpos: Never noticed Inspector: Color of hair? Akpos: Changes according to season Inspector: What was she wearing? Akpos: Not sure if it was a dress or suit Inspector: Was she driving? Akpos: Yes Inspector: Color of car? Akpos: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door……….and…and…(starts weeping) Inspector: Don’t worry sir, we will find your car.
1 . Girl: I'm warning you , my Mummy is coming back soon .. AKPOS : But I'm not doing anything .. Girl : That ' s why I' m warning you . ================ Hurry up CASHIER : This is the 5 th movie ticket you ' ve bought tonight Sir , Why ? .. AKPOS : Yes, that I. diot at the entrance keeps tearing it . ================ TEACHER: What ' s your favorite flower ?. . AKPOS : Chrysanthemum . . TEACHER: Spell it . . AKPOS : I was joking o . My favorite flower is Rose R- O- S -E ================ Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful . Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl . Akpos : Hello! Ugly girl: Hi !! Akpos : Wanna dance ? Ugly Girl: Yes ( excited ) Akpos : OK , Go and dance , I wanna talk to your friend . ================ Papa Akpos: My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do ? Akpos 'Teacher : - Your son is not brilliant at all, he cant even spell "LION " .. . Papa Akpos : Ah Ah . .. You know say na SMALL pikin .. . .. .You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMAL like " MOSQUITO ". ================ Teacher : Behind every successful man there is a woman . What do we learn from this ? Akpos : We should stop wasting time in studies and find that WOMAN. ================ Teacher : Make a Sentence with Big Akpos : The Ram Is Big Teacher : Make it longer Akpos : The Ram is big ooooooo. ================ OPERATOR : 911 , wat 's your emergency ? AKPOS : Two girls are fighting over me .. OPERATOR : So ? .. AKPOS : The ugly one is winning. ================ Teacher : Who can state one diff btw a Bird and a Fly ? .. Akpos : A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird . ================ Ochuko : Akpos , where have you been ? Akpos : Watching a football match ? Ochuko : Who played? .. Akpos : Ivory coast vs Cote d ivoire
A bus conductor (mate) in Lagos asked one of his passengers, Akpos, to bring his fare. Akpos replied: I be staff. The conductor asked : na which kind staff u b? -u b police? No! -u b soldier? No! -u b navy? No! -u b air force? No? So wetin u be now! Abeg pay ur money! Akpos replied: I be Boko haram! All d passengers shouted: WHAAT!!! Conductor u dey mad? Oga Boko sorry sir, abeg no vex, we go pay 4 u sir. Then everybody screamed: “DRIVER NEXT JUNCTION.” Driver said: e be like me self here i go drop too!!
Righteous Robber An robber ordered his victim to surrender all the money he had on him. The victim fearfully obeyed. After collecting the money, the robber asked his victim if he had brought all the money on him. The victim replied, "yes." Doubting the victim, the armed robber searched his pockets, finding some money in the inner pocket, the armed robber slapped the victims face and said "don't you know lying is a sin!"
Do You Know Me? A man goes into the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says “Hello.” He is rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he asks, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “You are the father of one of my children.” Now his mind travels back to the only time he was ever unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table while your partner whipped my behind with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I am your son’s teacher.”
I'm A Prostitute One day, Akpos drives his date up to a lonely and secluded area and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as he makes his move."I'm a prostitute." Akpos thinks about this for a bit and decides he's ok with it. He agrees to pay her N5,000 and they go at it. After they finish, Akpos says, "Now I should be honest too. I'm a taxi driver and its going to cost you N5,000 to get back to town.
The Dead Sea John and Akpos were arguing whose father was stronger. John said, "My father is so strong. Well you know the Pacific Ocean? My father was the one who dug the hole for it" Akpos not impressed said, "Do you know the Dead Sea? It was my father who killed it!
24 Hours To Live A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" "Of course," the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
Between The Legs A four year old girl walks in while her father is dressing in the bedroom. She looks at his privates and points at his ??? and ask, "Dad! What's that thing between your legs?" The dad replies, "I don't know." She goes to the kitchen and finds her mom, "Mom. What's that long thing between dad's legs?" Her mom instead of explaining things to her, replies, "I don't know." A week later, when her mom was coming home from work, the little girl ran to her and says, "Mom! You refuse to tell me the name of that thing between dad's legs. I have finally figured it out myself. It's a toothbrush!" The mom laughs, then ask, "How do you know that?" The little girl explains, "When I came back from school this morning, I saw aunty Nana (the Maid) kneeling in front of dad, brushing her teeth with dad's toothbrush and sure enough, there was toothpaste all over her mouth."
Don't Do Drugs! One day, a Rabbit was running around the forest happily when he saw a giraffe smoking marijuana, "Hey" he said to the giraffe, "why do you do this to yourself my friend? Just run around the forest with me, and you'll feel happier." The giraffe thought about this, left the smoke and started running with the rabbit. After a while, they came across an elephant taking heroin, "Hey" said the rabbit to the elephant, "why do you destroy yourself with drugs? Just run around the forest with me and you'll definitely be happier." The elephant thought about this, left his drugs and started running around the forest with the rabbit. After a while, they saw a Lion taking cocaine, a powerful drug, "Hey" the rabbit said to the lion, "why do you punish yourself so? Just run around the forest with me and you'll feel happier." Then the lion left his drugs and started giving the rabbit the beating of his life. "Hey" said the elephant to Mr Lion, "This guy is only trying to help us from taking drugs, why are you beating him up?" Then the lion said, "Don't mind this idiot! That's how he makes me run around the forest with him whenever he's high
An old woman was goin to lagos from calabar, she told the driver; "driver, if u reach Benin stop me o!" The driver nodded and then she shouted again" my children, una don hear wetin I tell am? Everybody responded YES MA. On the long journey to lagos, everybody slept off but this woman never blinked. They didnt no dat she doesn't know Benin. After several hours of driving, and lagos is closeby while Benin is about 4hrs behind, the poor woman then asked; driver you never reach benin ni? Ooooh!! The driver exclaimed; madam benin is like 4hours behind us. The woman started crying "take me back to Benin, abeg I no wan wahala o!!!" After all said and considering the age of the woman it was agreed, that the driver should turn back to Benin. On getting to benin, the driver came down, opened the door and told the woman she is in Benin. The woman opened her hand bag, brought out a sachet of panadol, removed two tablets and swallowed it with the bottle water she was with. She then smiled and said; Na my daughter said if I reach Benin, make i take 2 tablets of panadol, Oya! Make we dey go lagos. more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
na only 4 naija you fit win Aeroplane by loading N200 MTN card! Very soon Etisalat go say recharge N200 & win a big ship! Then Airtel go come follow say, recharge N100 and win Benin republic. Glo go just kuku say recharge N500 and win Nigeria, bcoz there colour na green! Na only Nigeria you go see fish inside "MEATPIE." Na only 4 Naija we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM machines! Na only 4 naija PHCN dey say, win a brand new Generator if you pay your electricity bill. Na only 4 naija people dey horn 4 traffic light make e quick change from red to green. Na only 4 naija pharmacy dey sell coke, recharge card, chin chin, puff puff, ogogoro & beer. Wetin you no fit see 4 anoda country, e dey happen 4 here... Naija, I hail o!
A driver was driving his boss to d airport. D boss noticed dat he 4got an important document at home,so he went back home. His wife was bathing with soap on her face,d husband tip-toed and touched her boobs,the wife responded, "have u dropped my stupid husband so fast? Dont rush we av the weekend 2 spend together,i am even praying for him to av a plane crash so dat i can enjoy u till d end of my life". She noticed d person was quiet,she washed her face, and saw her husband in front of her. If u are d husband wat will u do??
A guy sits in a taxi and sees his wife entering a hotel with another man , and tells the driver. Do you want to Earn ₦50,000 right away?. The driver excitedly says what do I have to do? Bring my wife by the hair out of that hotel, here's a picture of her. After a while the driver is seen dragging a woman by the hair , while kicking and beating her and puts her in the Taxi. and the husband says to him, " This is not my wife" the driver replied " Nooooo , this is mine, hold her for me. I'm going for yours
Who really owns a man? His mother or wife? Mother:- my son must obey me unless he didn't suck my breast 4 1yr, wife:- he sucks mine now and sucked it for more then 5yr and is still sucking, Mother:- I carried him for nine months. Wife:- he was only 3.5kg then, so what's the big deal? I carry him every night and he is 85kg now. Mother.:- he passed between my legs. Wife:- Hahaha, he only passed there once, he stays in-between my legs like everyday. Plss, WHO OWNS A MAN? more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
Lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid said, "Sir, you are my witness... you know I never wear panties. more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
A young man gave his father a bottle of coke, gave his mother a bottle of fanta. His mother drank her own but his father did not, but kept his own under his mattress. His son asked him what is the matter, he said:" your mother's drink was ripe, mine is not yet ripe." Guess who the father is? more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
A boy returns a missing purse to d owner in a market. The lady was so grateful but when she looked inside, she got confused & said, "but I had a single one thousand naira note, now there are ten pieces of hundred naira note, how come? The boy said, "na me change am, the last time wey I help person find purse, she say she for give me something but change nor dey." ABI NA LIA!
NIGERIAN BABES AND THEIR OVER- SABI ATTITUDE IN PUBLIC PLACES!!! READ ON JARE!!! 1. Halima says....Waiter, please, I like my SALAD very hot, also, can I have 2 bottles of SHAWARMA. ... 2. Nneka says.....Ore mi give me your PIN let me call you. 3. Mabel says.... I'm so tired; I just made my hair in Shop-rite today 4. Rejoice...more replies......Really?? I want to spend my summer in London this Christmas period. 5. Cynthia explains....... I just bought my BlackBerry (BB) but I haven’t collected the PIN. 6. Ronke brags......Wen I'm flyin, I always like d window seat cos I open it for fresh air. 7. Tade says...... I prefer London 2 UK during winter. 8. Fatima says.......Hmmm, u can’t even imagine, I just bought a G-String, and the thing I like most about it is the double back pockets 9. Abbey orders.... Please if you don’t have meat pie, doughnuts or scotch egg, just give me snacks. 10. Amaka laments.....in our house eh, we use to have 3 swimming pools, until armed robbers stole on
ENGLISH CLASS Teacher: What is a Verb? Akpors: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre. Teacher: What are you saying? Akpors: It is a complete sentence sir. Teacher: Are you mad? Akpors: It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be stupid. Akpors: It is an advice sir. Teacher: Stop that nonsense. Akpors: It is a command sir. Teacher: You're an idiot. Akpors: It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my class. Akpors: It is an order sir. Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy! Akpors: It is an exclamation sir. Teacher: May God have mercy on you. Akpors: It is a prayer sir...... Gbam!!!
A Community pastor was getting tired of hearing his congregation confess of adultery every time. So, he told the community to adopt saying they have "fallen" & not go into details. (As he would understand) The old Pastor died & Pastor Akpors - a new pastor from outside the town was sworn in. Everyday people go to him & say they have fallen. Pastor Akpors being concerned & not knowing what's going on called the village chief & said to him, "I think u should get the pavements fixed, people tell me that they have fallen everyday." The Chief laughed hysterically knowing exactly what it means. "Don't laugh" says Pastor Akpors. "Your wife fell 7 times this week" The chief fainted.
A girl went to a pastor with frank faces, the pastor asked what z ur problem, she said my boy friend made me unhappy, the pastor said did he beat u, the girl said no, pastor ask again slap u, she said no, ( in action nw) pastor toches the girls neck & said did he do like this, she said no, pastor kiss her & said did he do like this to u, she said no, (pastor called her indoor) pastor lyn her on d bed & said did he do u like ds, she said no, pastor sleep with her & said did he do like ds she said no, then pastor said what exertly he does. The girl answered he gave me HIV ADIS. Pastor in d hospital enjoing d rest of his day.
Girl: Do you love me Boy: I love u so much, I cant measure Girl: No just tell me naaa Boy: kay I am like a phone and you are my sim card, there's no me without u Girl: that is so romantic Boy: What if I'm a china fone wit 3 sims? Mumu
Two mad men organized to run away from d hospital, they started planning and agreed that they will go to d gate,beat up d watchman then open d gate n run away... When they reached d gate, d watchman was not there n d gate was open... They said SHIT our plan has failed, let's go back, we will try again 2morro. more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
In a singles convention a prayer point was raised" that singles should pray for their heart desires". A lady prayed,"oh lord I don't want to marry a short man. Any short man that is coming my way I bound him by holy ghost fire! And there's this short man standing next to her, praying: oh lord I'm a short man but I'm a billionaire. Immediately she heard the word 'billionaire', her prayer changed. She said "oh lord! is that your voice? Who am I to say no? I will marry the 'content' and ignore the 'container'
Boy: I love u girl and I want u 2 be my babe. Girl: I accept, but no sex, bcos I want 2 keep my body 4 my future husband. Boy: No problem but don't ask for money bcos I want to save it for my future wife. Question: who is stingy? more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.comYOUNGWEEZY
Policeman: Akpos, how did you kill 47 people in a car accident? Akpos: I dey driving at about 40mph, when I tried to stop I found that my breaks no dey work again. So I saw 2 men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street, na where i go turn to? Policeman: Of course the 2 men, less damage. Then what happened? Akpos: na wetin I think o, but when I did it, na only one person i hit and the other one ran to the wedding, so i pursue the other one go the wedding... more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
A woman and her grandson were shopping in a supermarket. The grandma realises that the kid had picked a toy. She calls out; ''Degree, put that toy back". The kid returns the toy. Astonished, another customer asks; ''Is that his name?'' The Grandma replies; ''Yes, I sent his mother to the University and this is what she brought back.. more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
What Nonsense! This has got to stop! When CL0SE-UP does an advert, they will show you someone's teeth and how to brush properly. When GILETTE Does an advert, they will show you someone's beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving stick works. When DETTOL does an advert, they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the bathroom with the soap........... ......But what the hell is wrong with ALWAYS ULTRA Sanitary PAD? When they are doing their advert, they will never show us anything! All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school girls singing on the field... How does that show us what the pad is used for? more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
A MATHS TEACHER asked a student in a warri school "what is '2' raised to power '5'", the student stood up and replied "Wetin '2' dey raise power for '5'... dem be mate?... '2' leave '3', '4' come dey raise power for '5'...him wan die?.. him no knw say '5' use three years senior am..." The teacher fainted... Warri boy no dey carry last oh, lol
MY FOOT....LOL LOL LMAO...... GIRL: honey there is something i want us to talk about, it's serious.. BOY: Please don't tell me you are pregnant! GIRL: I'm coming to stay with you coz you know my mum will be mad at me and will not allow me to stay with her once she found out am pregnant.*sob* BOY: Listen and listen good.. I don't wanna know.. I always give you the money to buy E- pills. GIRL: But...but it can happen by accident..*sobb ing* BOY: Accident my foot! Listen i dont want to see your face in this house again. Let me not see you come here again. GIRL: OMG!! So thats how heartless you are huh?? THANK GOD AM NOT PREGNANT! BOY: Baby you know..... GIRL: Shut up! And as u said, you will never see my face in your house again.. BOY: Am sorry baby. GIRL: SORRY MY FOOT!! Describe the boy in one word. more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com
ADMIT IT!!! You ve done one of these. . . . . . 1.walked into a room,forgot what you needed, walked out and then remember. 2.when you were young, close the fridge door really slow just to see when the light is off. 3.as a kid, tried to balance the light switch between ON and OFF. 4.use to think that there were people at the back of the T.V. 5.after chewinq gum as kidz, brinq it out from your mouth,stick it by the bed side, to continue tomorrow(really disqustin! 6.open a bottle of a coke, chew the cover and put it back into the coke, shook it until it foams! Childhood rocks!!! Add yours more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com/Fun/Sms_Collection
Papa Akpors: Akpos,I learnt your JAMB result is out. Akpors: Daddy You remember John wey dey carry first for our whole school? he failed... Papa Akpors: that's terrible,what happened? Akpors: You also remember Paul wey dey teach me for house? He failed too. Papa Akpors: what's causing the poor performance? Akpors: Daddy I don't know, na so e be o. Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell competition failed too. Papa Akpors: so how was your own result? Akpors : You also remember OKON, our senior prefect? He failed. Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, Tell me about your own result!! Akpors : (angrily) If all those people failed, wetin You expect for my own result?? I be witch? more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com/Fun/Sms_Collection
Akpos stumbled upon his parents in bed making love, so he asked "Daddy, what are you doing?" his father replied "I'm beating your mummy" Akpos thought for a while, with a sad face and said "Mama, but what offence have you committed again in this house to deserve so much punishment?" "Today alone, four different men have beaten you. First, it was the gate man Aliyu, then Idris our house boy, that vendor that sold Newspaper to dad also beat you and now daddy. WHY? Mama you must be stubborn ooo!" Akpos is is currently staying with his aunt Sophie at the moment, his dad is behind bars for murder and his mum's burial has been fixed for next weekend more @ http://youngweezy.xtgem.com/Fun/Sms_Collection
Akpors took his new girlfriend home to meet his parents... His dad whispered to him: "Where the hell did you meet her"? She's cross eyed, bald, bow legged and she's got no teeth"!!! Akpors replies: "There's no need to whisper Dad, She's also deaf & dumb!!" Dad fainted!!! One Word 4 Akpors
Lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid said, "Sir, you are my witness... you know I never wear panties.
Mary and Gloria after an English exam. Mary: How was your paper Gloria? Gloria: It was kind of hard; I didn't know the past tense of 'think'. I thought and thought and thought for a long time then finally wrote 'thunk' Mary: I guess you're right because I wrote thunk after I thought 4 a while. ... Mary: Shit! And what about the past tense of 'write'? Gloria: I don’t know what I wrote; I think I wrote 'written' Mary: That one I didn't even bother. When I saw the next number asking for the past tense of 'go', I just went out of the Exam Hall. Gloria: Me too, when I reached that number I couldn't take it anymore. Those idiots gave us an exam beyond our scope....GBAM!!!
Who is the most foolish among these ? *A Kenyan man who watered his farmland in the rain. *A Nigerian man who saw a ripe mango ñ climbed the tree to confirm then came down ñ used a stone to pluck it. *A South African man saw something that looked like shit, he touched with his finger, tasted it ñ said "mmm damn this is shit ooo! Thank God I haven't stepped on it"::::: *A Zimbabwean man who upon entering the bus with 15KG luggage decided to put on his head so he wont pay for the cargo. *A Rwandese who got drunk and boiled his IPhone. *A Tanzanian wife who brushed her husbands shoes and put them in the fridge *A Botswana Night Security guard who in the morning greeted the Boss like "Boss i had a beautyful dream...yawwwwn ..." *A Somali man who had a dream that he was a chicken laying eggs only to wake up and find 1KG of shit in his bed with his wife and mother in law standing at the door watching..
Can you imagine what people do in church in the middle of d service? I saw a guy light up a cigar and started smoking. I was so shocked that I nearly dropped my can of BEER!

Old school Easter eggs.